And I’m not talkin about going to the gym together tho that also works for the good of the relationship. I’m talking about Martin Seligman’s suggestion he made in his TED talk about positive psychology. Simply put: find out which are your and your parner’s signature strengths and plan a date including possibilities for using those strengths. At its best you will experience flow together and at its worst you’ll be doing something else than seeing a movie for once.

You may take a brief strengths test (among other tests) at Authentic Happiness to find out whether to join some volunteer working or rather try to learn something new. I haven’t yet thought how I am going to implement my strengths in the form of a date but it sure is going to be something creative.

Wishing all inspiring summer,

Meri

Nelli meets Toto the cat

How to avoid unnecessary quarrels when living together:

• solve the everyday issues that cause tension (hire a cleaning lady, agree on chores, get groceries home delivered – whatever it is that’s bugging you)
• make life at home easy – simplifying goes a long way reducing domestic stress and therefore cuts down arguments (unless you’re a total hippie)
• write down the more serious matters and discuss them when neither of you is agitated
• try listening to what bugs the other person and make an effort to change if it isn’t anything “constitutional”
• when an argument breaks, try cutting it short by making the other one laugh – and DO laugh if the other one shows you a photo of his childhood Transformer mug. It’s not about courtesy: biofeedback ensures that when you smile, you’ll also feel better.
• …and naturally, keep working on your issues – I found for example the book Loving What Is by Katie Byron useful

All advice is welcome! Please share yours.

Wishing you a quarrel-free weekend,

Meri

Since the idea for this blog was born on our trip to Croatia it was meant to somehow facilitate our own relationship (as a common project) as well as yours, if possible. We are in no way experts on this area (neither we want to be) but like you and Shrek, we aim to live happily ever after. So there’s work to be done, plants to be planted and bacon to be fried!

The first suggestion I’m gonna bring forth is creating your own traditions. This could mean:

• planting the rai grass together at Easter or painting eggs
• spending the X-mas just with each other and not the whole family (well if you have young kids, they might be a nice addition)
• a monthly “date” including eating out and going to the movies, maybe dressed up for once
• a Friday night walk to the local grill to feast on hotdogs (buns removed!)
• a yearly trip to Gran Canaria, Thailand, Stockholm, Lappland…
• annual parachute jump
• trekking in the fjords of Norway
• writing each other a poem for anniversary
• taking a monthly walk to a charming park nearby
• participating in the World Hunger Day fundraiser event
• …or something completely different as they would put it in Monty Python.

You get the point. Think of something you both want to do, something that would be an exciting thing to anticipate . Of course, often times traditions are born, not made. So it might be a good idea to have a look at the passed year with your spouse: are there things you both enjoyed and would look forward to do again?

As for us, we are going to go to the Naantali Spa in December for the second time to create a relaxing tradition waiting for X-mas to hit on. Since it’s elsewhere the drive there will be a fine time to discuss which is what we both like to do. Naantali Spa is beautiful in its x-mas lighting. The pools are tempting for freedivers and the massaging showers will take care of our over trained muscles. Somebody else will do the cooking and cleaning up. And a hotel breakfast: now that’s luxurious. Not bad for our first tradition, I’d say.

So, what are your traditions?